


play me like a love song

by woonguwu



Category: CIX (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Denial of Feelings, Drunken Kissing, Fluff, Kim Yonghee in a Crop Top, M/M, a lot of it, thats right its back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:41:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24070759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woonguwu/pseuds/woonguwu
Summary: "Maybe," Jinyoung says solemnly. "Maybe you were the fuckboy all along."(in which Yonghee drunkenly makes out with Byounggon at a party, and a series of complicated emotions follow suit).
Relationships: Bae Jinyoung & Kim Yonghee, Bae Jinyoung/Kim Seunghun, Kim Yonghee/Lee Byounggon | BX
Comments: 16
Kudos: 119





	play me like a love song

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this started as a random late idea and turned into... whatever this is! enjoy!
> 
> happy birthday to laysa! ily and thank you for being my biggest fan <3  
> and thank you to cix writers gc for always being supportive i love u guys!

“Let me get this straight,” Yonghee says, sitting cross-legged on Jinyoung’s dorm room floor at approximately 2:31am. “You want me to go to this party with you... just so you can leave me and hit on Seunghun the entire night?”

Jinyoung glances back over his shoulder as he sorts through his closet. “I mean, I wouldn’t put it quite like _that_. But yeah, basically.”

Yonghee stares at him in utter disbelief. “You can’t be serious.”

“Completely serious. You think I’m going to turn up to Seunghun’s party alone? Do you know how sad I’d look?” Jinyoung scoffs and throws yet another black shirt onto the already towering pile on his bed. At this point, he’s pretty sure 90% of Jinyoung’s wardrobe is black.

“Not as pathetic as I’m going to look when you _abandon_ me, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung waves his hand. “Details, details.” He turns around with a leather jacket and ripped shirt held up to his chest. “What about this? What do you think?”

“You’re going to look good in literally anything.” Yonghee rolls his eyes because it’s true, no matter how much Jinyoung insists otherwise. Right now he’s wearing a black turtleneck Yonghee got him for his birthday last year and it looks _great_. “But yes, sure, it’s good. Wear it with those jeans you wore the other day. I saw Seunghun staring at your ass last time you wore them.”

Jinyoung turns and gapes at him, and he can’t believe this is the first time he’s actually had Jinyoung’s full attention this whole night. “Wait, really?”

“Trust me, he was _staring_.”

“Oh god,” Jinyoung says and begins rummaging through his closet with the feral energy of a raccoon digging for trash. “Oh god, I don’t think I’ve washed them yet. Not since I spilled super noodles on them the other night.” He throws himself at Yonghee and grabs his hands. “What am I going to _do_?”

As much as he loves having a super-noodle-jeans-induced breakdown in the early hours of the morning, Yonghee is _tired_ and wants nothing more than to drop face-down onto his pillow and think about how much he’s not going to this party. 

“Jinyoung, it’s just jeans. You can borrow a pair of mine.”

“But your legs are like, so much shorter than mine,” Jinyoung says, and when he sees the look on Yonghee’s face he breaks off into a fit of laughter, turning away to cover his face with his hand. He hits Yonghee’s shoulder gently. “I’m _kidding_.”

Yonghee shakes his head. “I try to do _one_ nice thing for my best friend, and this is the thanks I get? Never again.”

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Jinyoung says. “We both know how tiny you are. Anyway, we still have to pick out what _you’re_ going to wear tomorrow.”

Yonghee blinks and points at himself, and Jinyoung nods. “I told you, I’m not going. Besides, what’s wrong with what I’m wearing now?”

Jinyoung looks him up and down scornfully. “You’re not wearing a hoodie to a party, Yonghee.” 

“What? Why not? It’s comfortable.”

“Because,” Jinyoung insists, picking at the frayed edge of Yonghee's well-loved, well-worn hoodie sleeve. “It looks like this thing has gone through at least five wars.” 

“It’s not like I’m trying to impress anyone, not like _you_.” He means it as a jab, but Jinyoung just shrugs and turns back to sifting through his closet. 

Yonghee sighs and flops back to lay on the carpeted floor because he knows there’s no stopping him, and better to let him have his fun now than deal with him sulking later. 

Jinyoung throws a few shirts aside and lingers on a pair of hot pink shorts for so long that Yonghee is terrified he’s going to make him wear them. He breathes a heavy sigh of relief when he throws them onto the ‘not’ pile that is three times the size of the ‘maybe’ pile. 

“Where did you even get those? I’ve never seen you wear them.”

“They were Jihoon’s--”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Yonghee cuts him off at the mention of his ex, and Jinyoung snorts. 

He goes back to sorting, and by the time the ‘no’ pile has just about doubled in size, he says, “come on, I have to have _something_ thotty in here that will fit you.”

Yonghee darts upright and shoots him a glare so intense that Jinyoung turns to face him. “Thotty is not a word I want associated with me-- put that away _right now_ , Jinyoung.”

He immediately puts the leather shorts back in the closet.

Another minute later and Jinyoung produces what looks like a normal black hoodie, until Yonghee notices that the fabric ends way too early and sees the fishnet trailing underneath. 

He folds his arms across his chest. “No way. I’m not wearing that.” 

“What!” Jinyoung exclaims and scrambles over to hold the crop-jumper-thing against Yonghee’s chest. “It would look so good on you! This is the one, Yonghee!”

“No. No it wouldn’t,” Yonghee shakes his head and instinctively wraps his arms around his waist, shy at just the _thought_ of wearing it. 

“Come on, at least try it on!”

“No.” 

“Please, just for me!” and Jinyoung looks at him with those big eyes and pouty lips and Yonghee really, really hates his best friend. 

“...Fine.” Because he’s already embarrassed himself in front of Jinyoung countless times anyway, what's one more? “Just for you.”

He needs Jinyoung’s help to actually get into it, because he somehow gets himself caught in the fishnet lining several times. When he finally manages to slip it over his chest, it sits snugly just above his belly button, his hips peeking through the fishnet that tucks into his sweatpants. He smooths down the fabric and somehow doesn’t hate how it looks.

Jinyoung looks him up and down and whistles. “Wow. It’s perfect. Would look better with jeans though.”

Yonghee flushes and turns away, drawing his knees to his chest to hide himself. He tugs at the thin fabric to try and stretch it lower. “Stop staring, it’s so uncomfortable.”

“You look so good! Much better than your old hoodie. You’re wearing this tomorrow, it’s settled.”

“It is not settled, it is not settled in the slightest,” Yonghee insists, weakly, because he already knows that _somehow_ Jinyoung is going to persuade him into it again and he’s never been any good at fighting him. 

“Okay, whatever you say,” Jinyoung laughs, barely taking his eyes off him. 

Yonghee rolls his eyes and glances at the time on his phone screen. 3:20am. “Right. I’m getting changed and we’re going to do laundry.”

“Laundry? At this time, really?”

“You want those jeans washed, right?”

“...Let’s go.”

&&&. 

He was right about two things. One: that Jinyoung would get him back into the crop top, and two: that he really didn’t want to be at this party. 

They arrive a little before midnight, and as soon as they enter the packed room he wants to leave again. The music blasts so loud that it’s already giving him a killer headache and the stench of alcohol and cigarettes immediately clings to his clothes. He wraps his arms self-consciously over his waist, and he’s not sure if it’s actually cold, or if it's the mortifying ordeal of being seen like this that is giving him goosebumps over his exposed skin.

Jinyoung pulls his arms away and leans over to shout in his ear. “Lighten up! Let’s have some fun!” 

He links his arm with Yonghee’s so he can’t cover himself again and waltzes through the crowd. Jinyoung ended up trading the leather jacket for a denim one (because he’s indecisive like that) but stubbornly stuck with the jeans. Yonghee can see Seunghun already eyeing him up from the other side of the room.

While trying to ascertain just _how_ many people are crowded into this tiny student house, he manages to make direct eye contact with a guy some way across the room, leaning against the wall with a red plastic cup in his hand. 

He’s wearing a torn shirt similar to Jinyoung’s and ripped jeans that leave his knees bare, and his black hair is styled up to expose his forehead, a few strands dipping down to hang in front of his eyes. Yonghee doesn’t even need alcohol in his system to think how attractive he is.

His gaze lingers on Yonghee, then drags lower to take in his outfit and lingers on his waist. He licks his lips and Yonghee’s shivers. The guy pushes off the wall and starts snaking through the crowd of dancing bodies towards them. 

Slightly intimidated and with the social ability of a slug, Yonghee frantically pulls Jinyoung to the kitchen with such force that his friend almost stumbles. “Let’s at least get a drink or something.” When he looks back, the guy has disappeared into the crowd, and he can’t tell if he’s disappointed or relieved. 

Jinyoung pours him a cup of some awful smelling, swirling pink mix and Yonghee necks it immediately. It burns his throat and makes his eyes water a little because it tastes just as bad as it smells, and he's really not used to drinking alcohol. But he knows he’s going to need a drink or five to get through tonight.

“Holy shit! Slow down, we only just got here,” Jinyoung sputters, sipping from his own cup and then grimacing. “Oh, yuck.” He coughs and puts his cup back down on the counter. “Let’s try something else.”

&&&.

Approximately twenty minutes and two beer pongs later, Jinyoung has Seunghun pressed up against some grimy wall, tongue in his mouth, and Yonghee is alone, sitting on the end of a leather couch that he quite literally stumbled into. He’s not sure how much he’s had to drink now, but he’s absolutely miserable and wants nothing more than to get up and leave. 

He hiccups and picks sadly at the fishnet sitting over his stomach. The waistband of his too-tight jeans digs into his abdomen and he’s never been so uncomfortable in his life. He feels the incredible need to cry and he almost gets up to drag Jinyoung away by the collar so they can go home when the sofa dips next to him and there’s a warm weight against his side.

“You don’t look like you’re having a good time,” a low voice rumbles directly into his ear, barely audible over the music, and his skin erupts into goosebumps. 

“I’m not,” he says, voice coming out whinier than he meant it to, and when he tips his head he’s face-to-face with the same guy that was walking towards him earlier. 

He’s not in the habit of drooling over random guys, but he’s so much more attractive up close, and he’s not sure if it's the alcohol going to his head, but he can’t seem to keep his eyes off the other boy’s plush lips. 

The guy laughs and nods towards Jinyoung and Seunghun, who are too busy eating each other’s faces to notice anything going on around them. “That your boyfriend? Is that why you're so sad?”

Yonghee snorts and shakes his head. One of the guy’s hands comes to rest on his knee and it’s not unwelcome. “God, no. Best friend. I'm sad because I don't want to _be_ here.” He gestures widely to the entire room.

“Oh, that’s my best friend too,” the guy says and Yonghee frowns. 

“Jinyoung is _my_ best friend,” he argues, voice slurring a little. 

The guy laughs and throws an arm around Yonghee’s shoulder, dragging him closer and he’s slightly tipsy, slightly touch-starved and definitely not averse to the attention he’s getting. “Not him, the other one. The one your friend has got pinned up against the wall.” 

“Ohhhh,” Yonghee drawls. “Okay.”

"Maybe you should have some fun, that'll cheer you up a bit." The hand that was on his knee travels up to rest on his hip instead, his thumb stroking at the fishnet over his skin. He feels sparks exploding in the places he touches him. “You’re so pretty, Yonghee.”

He doesn’t remember telling the guy his name, but he doesn’t particularly care because he’s just given him the validation he’s been craving all night and it’s like music to his ears. He feels himself leaning further into him. “Really?”

“This,” the guy begins, and brushes his thumb over the edge of Yonghee’s jumper, “is very cute on you.” 

Yonghee, veins thrumming with alcohol and deafening music, very much keens into his words because the compliments feel _good_ . He doesn’t usually kiss random guys he meets at parties, but he’s kind of lonely and _really_ wants to kiss him right now.

The guy catches on quickly, because he leans in close enough that Yonghee can feel his breath on his cheek. “Want to copy our best friends?”

It takes him a good few seconds to comprehend what he was implying. When he finally gets it, he flushes the same bright red as his plastic cup. “I’m drunk,” Yonghee states.

“Me too,” the guy laughs. “Very drunk.”

Then Yonghee kisses him. His lips are sweet and sticky and his tongue tastes of vanilla vodka, and if Yonghee wasn’t intoxicated before, he definitely is now. 

He hasn’t kissed anybody for a long time, and if his head wasn’t spinning so much, he’d be embarrassed by how damn right desperate he is for physical affection. His hands slip easily to the other boy's shoulders and he tilts his head to get an angle that allows him to deepen the kiss better.

He sinks all his weight into the other boy, who catches him easily, slips both his hands under Yonghee’s shirt to hold his waist and keep him steady. Yonghee very much takes control, his lips pressing hard and unyielding and he barely gives himself time to breathe before he dives back in for more. 

All it takes is for him to unconsciously straddle the guy’s lap to realise exactly what he’s doing and he jumps back with a yelp, sweaty palm shooting to cover his mouth. “Oh, oh god.”

“I know I’m good, you don’t have to be so shocked,” the guy laughs, eyes still half lidded, and Yonghee stares at him in disbelief. He just made out with someone at a party. A complete stranger. He was sitting in a stranger’s lap. At a party. 

He can’t believe he just did that.

He stumbles up from the couch and almost trips in his rush to get as far away as possible. The guy on the couch just raises a brow at his behaviour. 

“I’ve gotta, uh, yeah.” Then he does what he does best when it comes to confrontations: he runs.

&&&.

He wakes up halfway into the next day to a pounding headache, three missed calls, and seven texts from Jinyoung. 

[ 10:13am ] Jinyoung : hey are u awake

[ 10:13am ] Jinyoung : yonghee???

[ 10:13am ] Jinyoung : YONGHEE??

[ 10:15am ] Jinyoung : did you make it home safe??

[ 10:17am ] Jinyoung : oh my god i’m never gonna forgive myself if ur dead in a ditch somewhere

[ 10:47am ] Jinyoung : BITCH WAKE UP

[ 10:50am ] Jinyoung : hey if u don’t reply in the next 15 minutes i’m breaking into ur room <3

Yonghee checks the time and sees he has approximately two minutes before Jinyoung kicks down his door. He fumbles with his phone and blearily jabs his thumbs at the keyboard.

[ 11:04am ] Yonghee : stopstip i’m awakej rnow i swear!!!

[ 11:05am ] Jinyoung : FINALLY

[ 11:05am ] Jinyoung : i’m outside anyway let me in :D

Yonghee groans and rolls himself out of bed, stumbling a little as a stab of pain shoots through his skull. He doesn’t even bother to check himself in the mirror before he unlocks the door and peeks through the crack into the hallway. Jinyoung immediately pushes through and bustles into the room. He presses a packet of painkillers into Yonghee’s palm. 

“Thanks,” Yonghee grumbles, voice cracking, and he swallows two before going back to curling in a fetal position on his bed. 

Jinyoung sits next to him, ignoring the absolutely pitiful state of his messy, unwashed hair and crumpled pyjamas. “How are you feeling?”

“Awful,” he replies and buries his head into his pillow. “I haven’t felt this bad since I stayed up three nights in a row to study.”

“That’s really sad, Yonghee.”

“I know.”

“Anyway.”

Then he’s forced to listen to Jinyoung ramble about Seunghun for the next hour while his fingers card soothingly through Yonghee’s hair. _Seunghun’s so cute. Seunghun was so sexy last night, did you see him?_ Of course I saw him, it was his party. _Seunghun is so kind and walked me home last night._ That’s great, Jinyoung. _Seunghun asked me out on a date, a date!_ I’m so happy for you, Jinyoung. 

He wants nothing more than to be a supportive friend, but he’s halfway falling asleep and halfway replaying the events from last night in his head. 

They got there. Jinyoung abandoned him to make out with Seunghun (as expected). He sulked on a couch for half an hour. Then someone sat next to him and-- oh, oh yeah. Sometimes he hates how perfect his memory is, even under the influence of alcohol. 

Yonghee shoves his pillow into his face and screams. “Please, kill me now. Like right now.”

Jinyoung stares at him. “What the actual fuck?”

“Last night at the party, oh god, Jinyoung,” he groans again and presses the pillow down harder. If it weren’t for the laws and limitations of the human body, he would be suffocating himself right now. 

“You didn’t!” Jinyoung gasps, and rips the pillow from Yonghee’s face with such ferocity that it goes flying across the room. “You hooked up with someone, didn’t you? Oh, I’m so proud,” he says and feigns wiping a tear from his eye. 

“No!” Yonghee interrupts, desperate to explain himself because he can’t take Jinyoung thinking of him like that. He covers his face with his hands. “No, not that far. I just-- we just-- I-- I kissed someone, that’s all.”

“Oh,” Jinyoung says, and he looks almost disappointed. “I mean, that’s not that bad.”

“Not that bad! That’s nothing like me! I can’t believe I kissed someone, a stranger, Jinyoung, and then I… I ran away.”

Jinyoung stares at him for a hard ten seconds before he bursts into laughter, rolling over the bed and kicking his feet in the air. “You ran away!” he manages through sputtering gasps for air. “That’s so you!”

“Stop laughing at me!” Yonghee yells and throws his second pillow at Jinyoung. It hits him square on the head, but it only makes him laugh harder. “It’s not funny!”

“It’s _very_ funny!” and when he finally calms down enough to be able to breathe properly, he rolls over to look at him again. “Do you actually remember who it was?”

Yonghee shakes his head. “That’s the worst part. I didn’t even get his name.” He searches his mind for details, any distinguishing features, but all he can remember is the taste of his lips and a warm hand on his hip. “We saw him when we first got there. Ripped jeans, shirt kind of like yours...”

Jinyoung’s eyes widen and he whistles. “Oh! He was staring at you all night.”

“How did you even notice that, you had your tongue shoved so far down Seunghun’s thr--”

He gets a sharp slap on his shoulder. “I _notice_ when a cute guy is checking out my best friend. Besides, I’m pretty sure that’s Seunghun’s best friend.”

“...Oh, I think he did mention that.”

Yonghee groans. As if it couldn’t get any worse. The stranger he kissed at a party was best friends with Jinyoung’s kind-of-boyfriend (he has to check that), and that means they are most probably, _definitely_ , going to run into each other again, if Jinyoung has his way.

He’s snapped from his overflowing stream of thoughts when a phone screen is roughly shoved in his face. Suddenly he’s face to face with a close up selfie of someone with short black hair, and that’s definitely the guy he was playing tonsil tennis with last night, except he looks a whole lot better without the hazy vision and swimming head. 

He flushes, face way too warm for a cold spring morning. “Yeah, that’s him.”

“Wow,” Jinyoung says, and keeps flicking through the guy’s photos. “You bagged a real cute one, Yonghee.”

“I did not bag anything! I can’t believe you’re cyber-stalking him.”

“Lee Byounggon.”

“What?”

“That’s his name. And he’s single!”

“Lee Byounggon,” Yonghee repeats, contemplating the name and how easily it rolls off his tongue. 

“Oh my god,” Jinyoung says, squinting at Yonghee’s face. “You have a heart boner, don’t you?”

“...A what, exactly?” 

“Like, a boner, but in your heart?”

“That’s so stupid.” And it is, but it somehow makes sense, in a weird, Jinyoung sort of way, because he does have this odd tense feeling in his chest after looking at the photos.

“You do! You have a heart boner! This is just like you to get attached to some guy you made out with at a party. Oh Yonghee, you’re so cute.”

Wow, low blow bringing up the attachment issues. He _could_ bring up Jinyoung’s equally frustrating commitment issues, but that would be an asshole thing to do, and he values his friendship and advice too much to lose it.

“Please, _please_ , shut up.”

&&&.

A week later he’s sitting in the library hunched over his laptop with a stack of books piled up on his left. It’s pretty late in the evening and not many people remain in the library, but he really needs to get this assignment out of the way, even if it means pulling another all-nighter. A steaming coffee sits next to him and he sighs. 

He’s been stuck on the same question for the past five minutes because his brain just can’t focus, too fixed on black hair and ripped jeans. Like it has been for the past week. 

The chair next to him creaks as someone sinks into it, though Yonghee can’t see who it is past the tower of books. He groans and rests his forehead against the table for a few seconds because this problem is really getting on his nerves, and if he doesn’t solve it soon he’s going to give up this whole assignment and accept his failure. 

He’s about to google a solution when the person next to him winces, loudly, then there’s a series of frantic clicks and keyboard smashes. Yonghee, bored out of his mind and desperately looking for any reason to procrastinate, peeks round his books. 

The first thing he sees is the person’s laptop screen. The second thing he sees is _Roblox_ on said computer screen. The third thing he sees is the person is Lee Byounggon. Lee fucking Byounggon. The guy he made out with a week prior and then ran away from. 

He can only pray that he got completely wasted after Yonghee left and doesn’t remember the night, because he’s not prepared to deal with this in the slightest. He needs to run through at _least_ ten hypothetical situations and conversations in his head before he can face him.

Yonghee darts behind the books, but he’s a second too late because Byounggon catches him looking and leans back in his chair, balancing on the back legs. He taps Yonghee on the back. “Hey!”

Yonghee’s stomach flips and he grimaces, eyes squeezed shut as though that will make him go away. He contemplates ignoring him until he does because he’s already run away from him once, but decides against it. 

He’s tired, grumpy, slightly high on caffeine, and just wants to get his work done in peace, but he’s also been sitting in silence for the past five hours and craves human conversation. Even at the cost of the last drop of his dignity, 

He pushes his books out of the way and is met with Byounggon’s face peering over at him. His wide eyes say he’s surprised to see Yonghee there, but his grin says he knew exactly who he sat next to. 

If Byounggon was more attractive up close, then he's double as attractive up close and in _decent lighting_. Today, his hair is down and curls over his forehead in little waves and he’s only wearing a simple black hoodie and sweatpants, but he makes them look so good. Yonghee’s mind races over the events from last week, and the instant replay of their kiss makes him flush two shades darker. 

It shouldn’t be a big deal. He’s making it a big deal. But it's kind of shameful to think the last time Byounggon saw him was when he was a desperate and lonely mess. That is _not_ what he wants to be perceived as.

He struggles for something vaguely normal, vaguely conversational to say. “Are you seriously playing Roblox in the library?” he whispers harshly. Close enough. 

Byounggon looks at him quizzically. “Yeah? The wifi is better in here.” As if using college wifi to play Roblox is the normallest thing in the world. 

“This is meant to be a study space,” Yonghee hisses and gestures to his stack of books and laptop, whose screen has gone dark after no use for the past ten minutes. 

“It’s not like I’m taking up anybody’s seat. There’s barely anyone here,” Byounggon says, voice too loud for a library, and Yonghee self-consciously glances around the room. But he’s right, and there’s no one around them except for a few disinterested people littered through the bookshelves and the librarian who may or may not be asleep. 

“Then _why_ did you sit next to _me_ to play Roblox?” Yonghee demands and regrets it instantly, because Byounggon grins at him and rests his chin on his hands, not once taking his eyes from Yonghee’s face. 

“Isn't that obvious? Because I thought you were cute, sitting here by yourself in your pink cardigan with your math books,” Byounggon says, then tilts his head a little to the side. “Also, Jinyoung told me you'd be here. You look so different from the last time I saw you.” 

Fucking Jinyoung, the traitor. Not only has his best friend set him up with his worst nightmare, but said nightmare is shamelessly flirting with Yonghee in a public space and this is something he has _never_ experienced before. (He has, but it’s always directed at Jinyoung and Yonghee is always the awkward third wheel). 

He really doesn’t want that night to be Byounggon’s lasting impression of him. 

“I’m not-- You-- We-- I can’t--” he sputters, and ends up shoving his books in front of Byounggon’s face to block him out. Well played, running away again, real smooth. He’s always had this unfortunate ability to make everything incredibly difficult for himself.

He buries his face in his palms and there’s an explosion of laughter from behind the books. Someone pokes their head round a bookshelf to frown at them and Yonghee wants to sink into his chair and disappear forever. 

He slams his laptop shut, slips it into his bag, and pushes back his chair. He’ll just have to find another seat, away from his horrific embarrassment. Again, he's very good at running away from his problems.

“Hold on! Wait,” Byounggon says and grabs for Yonghee’s hand, pulling him back down into his seat. “I wanted to ask--”

Yonghee prepares himself for some sort of mortifying question, something along the lines of: _hey, why were you looking like a thot last week when you’re actually a nerd?_ Jinyoung's fault. Or: _what were you even doing at that party when you clearly didn’t want to be there?_ Again, Jinyoung. Or even: _Yonghee, why were you so fucking horny?_ Not Jinyoung. Just his crippling loneliness and need for affection. 

But instead, Byounggon asks, “Yonghee, can I take you out sometime?”

Yonghee, wholly unprepared for such a question, stares at him blankly. This was not what he was expecting at all, and was never part of the scenarios he conjured in his head. But his head is empty, no thoughts, just Byounggon looking at him with an expectant smile and hair falling in his eyes and maybe he imagines the pink dusting Byounggon’s cheeks, but wow, he’s really cute. 

The only thing his brain can process is: “how do you know my name?”

Byounggon blinks at him, and his smile dips a little. “Oh, I’ve seen you around before. You’re on the math team, right? And again, Jinyoung told me.”

“Oh,” is all Yonghee can say, because he is indeed on the math team and indeed has a nosy, meddling best friend. “Oh, yeah, you’re right.”

He really, really hopes that none of the team were at the party, or even heard that Yonghee was there, because if Heejin ever found out, she would _never_ let him forget it. 

“Always thought you were pretty,” Byounggon hums. He crosses his arms over the table and lays his head on them, blinking up at Yonghee. “So, what do you say? Can I take you out?”

Again. He can’t tell if Byounggon is being serious or if he’s joking around because he just wants to finish what they started at the party (must be part of the insecurity and anxiety package Yonghee has been lugging around since the tender age of five). But he’s asked him twice now. 

Byounggon’s voice is so loud and Yonghee feels prickling at the back of his neck and a heat rising from the pit of his stomach. He glances around again. “You’re so loud,” he frantically shushes him, pointedly avoiding his question for the second time. 

“So?” Byounggon raises his voice again, just to get his point across. “I don’t care.”

Yonghee very much does. “Please!”

“So, agree to let me take you out and I’ll be quiet.” 

“Yes, fine, okay!” Yonghee resigns, because he can always reject him later, and this is the third time he’s asked. 

“Great!” Byounggon grins. “Give me your number then. I’m Byounggon, by the way.”

“Oh, I know,” Yonghee blurts before he can stop himself, and his face heats when Byounggon looks at him with surprise. 

“You do?”

“Y-Yeah, Jinyoung, he told me. He knows Seunghun.”

“Been stalking my profile, have you?” Byounggon laughs and this is the second time today Yonghee wants to disappear. 

“Just take my number and be quiet!”

They exchange numbers and then Byounggon goes back to his Roblox and Yonghee back to his work, knowing he won’t be able to concentrate for the rest of the night.

&&&.

He ends up agreeing to go out with him anyway, because he has absolutely no control over himself and he needs some sort of confirmation that Byounggon is only doing this to get back at him for running away. Just so he knows to let the attachment go. Totally not because Byounggon is actually sort of intriguing. 

They arrange a time over text and the day comes quicker than he’s prepared for. He’s almost finished his class when he spots Byounggon outside the classroom window, cheek pressed against the pane of glass and waving at him. Yonghee chokes on the water he’s drinking and offers the tiniest wave he can possibly give without drawing attention to himself. It doesn’t matter, because you’d have to be blind not to see Byounggon and the faces he’s pulling. 

He spends the last five minutes of class glancing anxiously at the clock, and when they’re finally dismissed, he shoves his notebook, pencil case and worksheets into his bag, slings it over his shoulder, and shoots for the door. 

He coughs and straightens himself up before he faces Byounggon. He's wearing an oversized white shirt tucked into a pair of blue jeans and he looks really, really good. Yonghee swallows the lump in his throat. _Okay. Be casual, be indifferent, pretend like he's not the hottest person you've ever seen._

“Uh, hi.” Nailed it. 

“Hi,” Byounggon smiles widely, dimples poking his cheeks, and holds out a coffee cup for Yonghee to take. He has another in his other hand that already has stains around the rim. “I got this for you, it’s a bit cold outside.”

Yonghee takes it and lets the warmth seep into his skin. “Oh, thank you.”

“Shall we?” Byounggon gestures for the door and Yonghee nods, trailing behind him, awkward and a bundle of nerves. He glances back momentarily and sees Heejin talking with a group of her friends. She looks up at him and winks and he’s tempted to flip her off until Byounggon starts talking again. “Let me guess, math class?”

“Yep,” Yonghee affirms. “Longest one of my life.” He catches Byounggon grinning at him and huffs. “I do enjoy it though. Maths, that is. Its fun” 

"I've never met anyone that's called maths _fun_."

"It is fun! There's so much to it," Yonghee argues. "And, solving equations makes me feel smart." 

"You must be really fucking smart, because I can barely count to ten on good days,” Byounggon laughs and Yonghee unintentionally laughs with him. "Maybe you should teach me something about equations."

He waits for some sort of cheesy pick up line to follow, but Byounggon just smiles.

"Mm, teaching you seems like too much work though?" Yonghee says and has to stop himself smiling at the shocked look on Byounggon's face.

"Wow. Ouch. I'm not that dumb! I know things. Sometimes." 

“What do you study?” he then asks, because he doesn’t actually know anything about him (except that he’s a great kisser) and he's kind of curious. He takes a sip from his coffee. The flavour melts onto his tongue and he blinks in surprise. “Oh! This is my favourite.”

“Education,” he says and adds: “It’s the same one you had in the library, so I figured you’d like it.” Yonghee, shocked by his attentiveness, simply nods and mumbles another thanks, trying to ignore how that made his heart beat a little faster.

“I didn’t expect that,” Yonghee admits. Out of all the things he would have chosen for Byounggon, it wouldn’t be education. But it’s a pleasant surprise and kind of endearing, actually. 

They exit the building and turn to walk down the path that weaves around campus. They pass an alleyway, and Yonghee is kind of confused as to why he’s not immediately dragged down it and pressed against a wall, because he's fixed on the idea Byounggon is only in this for a quick fool around. It's not going how he pictured at all. 

Not that he’s upset, or that it’s a bad thing, because he’s enjoying himself a lot more than he thought he would. 

“Really? What do you picture me as?” He says and Yonghee sputters, thinking somehow Byounggon has read his thoughts and knows he was imagining him kissing him in a dank, shady alleyway. Byounggon pats him on the back, brows furrowed in concern. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, fine, fine.” He recovers himself, throat burning, and considers the original question for a moment. What's the stereotypical fuckboy subject? “I don’t know, something athletic maybe?”

“Sadly, I have neither the lung capacity nor physical strength for sports,” he jokes and Yonghee smiles. “Shocked?”

“Not really,” he says and Byounggon gasps and clutches his chest in mock pain. "Actually, you don't look very sporty."

“You could at least pretend I have some athletic potential! I’m two years older, you know. You shouldn't be treating me like this.”

“...Two years older?” he says and because he can't help himself and teasing Byounggon is kind of fun, cheekily adds: “You don’t act like it though.”

Byounggon gapes at him. “Hey!”

Yonghee laughs, and when Byounggon beams at him, clearly happy he's made him laugh, he turns his face away and covers his mouth with his hand. “Anyway. Education. You want to teach?”

“Mmm, yeah, I think so.”

“You think so?”

“I’m not sure yet. I think I do. I’m studying it, so I guess so.”

“I see,” Yonghee nods. He steals a glance at Byounggon’s face and sees it twisted tight into a frown. It must be a sore subject for him, he realises, and swiftly switches to something easier. “Okay then, favourite movie?”

“Ooh, tough question.”

He starts listing dozens of action movies Yonghee has never even heard of, but he listens and hangs off every word. 

&&&.

In the time leading up to when they’d meet, Yonghee had run through the day several times in his head, and every time he would embarrass himself and it would always end in certain disaster. But as the day passes they talk a lot, and he finds it’s easier and smoother than he ever imagined. Surprisingly, Byounggon doesn't even bring the kiss up once.

By the time the sky gets dark and the streetlights start to flicker on, he’s learnt that Byounggon has never held a job for more than a few months, is a serial candy smuggler in movie theatres, prefers dogs over cats, is a decent (and he uses the word decent warily) cook, and writes music in his free time. 

There’s nothing even vaguely unpleasant about him (minus his taste in heavy rap and that he doesn’t like mint chocolate ice cream) and Yonghee really isn’t sure how to feel about that, considering he spend the last week or so thinking Byounggon was a good-for-nothing fuckboy with no interest other than sticking his hands down Yonghee’s pants. 

Turns out he’s not, and he’s more than fine with that. 

“I’ll call you?” Byounggon says just as they turn into the entranceway to Yonghee’s building. 

“Yeah, sounds good.”

“Great!” Byounggon grins and claps his hand on Yonghee’s shoulder in what could only be described as a friendly, ‘bro’ type way, and he realises he's got a whole other load of feelings to unpack regarding that. 

Byounggon turns and starts off along the street, hands in his pockets, and only turns back to wave when he gets to the corner. Yonghee waves back, and as soon as he disappears from his sights, he squats down and yells into his hands. 

Well, shit. 

He really thought Byounggon was just going to kiss him and leave him, but somehow the pounding of his heart in his chest and the way he still feels the ghost of Byounggon’s hand brushing against his is even worse. 

&&&.

He gets one foot in his room when his phone starts buzzing in his pocket. He fumbles with his keys, closes the door behind him and leans his back against it. Taking his phone from his pocket, he sees Byounggon’s name pop up bright on his screen, with the little dinosaur emoji he saved his name with. His stomach leaps and it’s weird because he’s never felt like this before.

He slides the answer button.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Yonghee, okay, so. I just couldn’t get over how you’ve never seen Godzilla. I mean, it's _Godzilla_. It’s literally been eating me alive, no pun intended.”

Yonghee laughs. He sinks to the floor, back still against his door, and brings his knees to his chest. He doesn’t hold back his smile this time. “Really? Is it really that surprising?”

“Yes! So I was thinking… I’m going to make you watch it, whether you enjoy it or not. No arguments.”

“Fine. But you have to watch something I pick too.”

“Deal!”

He’s really in it now. 

&&&.

They end up watching Godzilla (which Yonghee doesn’t enjoy at all) in Byounggon’s room, with Yonghee awkwardly curled up on one side of the cramped single bed, and Byounggon pressed in next to him. He barely breathes for the entirety of the two hours, and he’s hyper aware of even the smallest movement.

Byounggon is comfortable enough stuffing a bag of cheap convenience store popcorn into his mouth. He fidgets, a lot, and Yonghee jumps every time Byounggon’s hand briefly passes against his hand or his thigh. Not because he doesn’t like it, but because he craves touch and attention, and it’s not quite enough. But has no idea where they stand on that front and he’s not going to push it. 

“How long have you been friends with Jinyoung?” Byounggon asks as the credits roll.

Yonghee has to actually think about it for a second. “Oh wow, like, nine years, maybe? We’ve been friends for so long, I can't really remember.”

“You seem really close with him.”

“Yeah, he’s my best friend. Kind of my only friend, actually,” and when Byounggon pouts, he adds, “except you.”

Byounggon leans his back against the wall. “So kind of like me and Seunghun, then.”

Yonghee hooks his arm under the pillow he has his head on and stretches his legs down the length of the bed. “I guess, yeah. Jinyoung’s always been the popular one. I just sort of tag along.”

He doesn’t know why he’s opening up to him so much, but it feels nice to tell someone the things that he struggles to tell Jinyoung. 

“Really? I'd have thought you'd be the popular one,” Byounggon smiles. “You’re clever, funny, cute, even if you don’t know any of the best movies.”

“One of my many flaws, I’m afraid.”

“Flaws? I see no flaws?” Byounggon mocks looking around the room, hand pressed to his forehead.

“We all have flaws. Yours is that you don’t like mint chocolate ice cream.”

“I can’t help that it tastes like toothpaste.”

“It does not!” Yonghee fumes and kicks his foot at Byounggon jokingly, who laughs and swats him away.

“ _Anyway_ ,” Byounggon says. “I just wanted to say, you have me now.”

“...I have you,” Yonghee affirms, and he feels warm and fuzzy. He's known Byounggon for just about three weeks, and it could just be his attachment issues, but there's something about him that makes him feel special.

They talk for a little longer, then watch a crappy romcom Yonghee picks out (which Byounggon ends up crying at) and afterwards Yonghee goes home feeling as confused and touch-starved as ever. 

&&&. 

It becomes a routine between them. They’ll watch a movie Byounggon thinks Yonghee has missed out on watching his entire life (he hasn’t), but he lights up and talks so animatedly about it and it’s adorable. So, Yonghee goes along with it. Then they watch one that Yonghee recommends, end up staying up late talking, and Byounggon walks him home after. Then the cycle repeats. Sometimes Byounggon rests his head on Yonghee’s shoulder, sometimes Yonghee curls into his side during a particularly depressing scene.

And sometimes they go out for coffee instead, and Byounggon meets him after class or picks him up from the library.

They talk on the phone a lot, too, and Byounggon calls him for even the most minor and mundane things, like seeing a cat on the way home from class, or he bought a new pencil with a cute character at the top.

Each time leaves Yonghee more confused than the last and it’s so _infuriating_. The more time he spends with him, the easier it is to talk and the more he opens up. He actually lets himself have fun, which is something he’s never done before, and he finds that whenever he leaves Byounggon’s, he wants to go straight back again. 

Alternatively, part of his brain is still fixated on, or more, terrified of, the idea that Byounggon is just doing this to mess with him, that soon he’s going to turn around and never speak to him again. 

It’s stressing him the fuck out. 

&&&.

Once, after Yonghee finishes and turns in an assignment, Byounggon takes him to a confectionery to celebrate with ice cream. 

They sit at a table in the back of the cute pastel pink cafe, squashed into a corner while other customers and conversations buzz around them. Byounggon has already finished half of his ice cream and is sitting back in his chair, hands laced on the back of his head. He’s staring at Yonghee.

Yonghee, spoon still in his mouth, blinks at him. “What are you staring at?”

Byounggon bites his lip. “You.”

Overwhelmed with a sudden shyness, Yonghee glances down and fiddles with his sweater sleeve. “Why? There’s nothing to stare at.”

“Are you kidding me?” Byounggon says and reaches over the sticky table to lay his hand heavily over Yonghee’s. “You’re so pretty. I literally can’t stop looking at you.”

He shrinks back into his sweater, pulling the fabric up over his nose, fidgeting in his chair. “Stop, it’s embarrassing,” he whines in protest. 

“It’s true.” Byounggon reaches up and flicks a stray hair from Yonghee’s forehead, and he has to choke back a muffled gasp. “Very pretty.” He then presses a finger to the mole under Yonghee’s eye. “The prettiest.”

He drops the fabric of his sweater from his face and shovels the biggest spoonful of ice cream he can manage into his mouth, letting the cold cool down his burning cheeks. 

Byounggon laughs, “Sorry, I’ll stop.”

“You’re pretty too,” he mumbles around the spoon in his mouth. 

“What?”

“...I said, you’re pretty annoying.” Whew, nice save there.

“Uh huh,” Byounggon replies. “Whatever you say.”

&&&.

They’re watching a horror movie (which is an awful idea, considering neither of them like or even vaguely enjoy horror, but they’ve exhausted most of netflix and it has high reviews) when a jumpscare flashes on the screen and they both yelp, scrambling to cling onto each other. He ends up tucked under Byounggon’s arm, who holds steadfast onto him, rigid and tense. 

And they spend the next five minutes like this before Yonghee actually comprehends what position they’re in, but he’s too scared to move because he feels warm and comforted like this and Byounggon is too focused on the film to pay attention either, so he may as well take advantage of the situation. 

Besides, it would be awkward to draw attention to it now. So awkward.

The credits roll and they’re enveloped in silence which is only broken when Byounggon finally speaks. “I know this is random, but do you remember when you asked me if I wanted to teach, ages ago?”

Yonghee hums. “Yeah, of course.” He’s increasingly aware of the hand on the small of his back and the way Byounggon is leaning his head on top of his slightly. His skin prickles and his breathing shallows. 

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot,” he says simply, and Yonghee doesn’t say anything, just lets him gather his thoughts without interruption. “I’m sure it’s what I want to do now. Like, for definite. I really wanna teach kids someday, or, at least help out in a classroom. I don't know if I'm anywhere near smart enough to lead a lesson myself.” 

Yonghee looks up to meet his eyes, which are bright and excited. “Oh! That’s really great. I’m glad you figured out what you want to do,” he says sincerely. The image of Byounggon surrounded by kids, pulling at his sleeves and asking him for help is really cute, and soon enough he's beaming up at him. "I can really see that for you." 

“Yeah, it feels pretty good,” Byounggon says and laughs. He rubs the back of his neck with his free arm. He looks away from Yonghee and it's the first time he's seen him look so shy. “So I just wanted to thank you for helping me.”

“Me? I haven’t done anything,” Yonghee protests but Byounggon shakes his head vigorously. 

“Not true! Talking to you made me realise that I really want to do _something_ ,” Byounggon says. “My other friends don’t really give a shit what they do, other than Seunghun, who kind of has a ten year plan. But don’t tell Jinyoung because it might scare him away. Anyway, my point is, you bringing it up really made me think. So thank you. I really like talking to you.”

“...I’m really glad I could help.” He adds, quiet and hushed, "I like talking to you too." 

Then, Byounggon leans down and plants a soft kiss on the crown of Yonghee’s head and his heart just about bursts. Flustered and speechless and unwilling to make a complete fool of himself, he just sits there and gnaws on his bottom lip, cheeks burning. 

“Okay. Enough emotional vulnerability for today,” Byounggon coughs and peels away from Yonghee’s side to stand up and stretch. He misses it instantly. He’s still facing away from Yonghee when he asks, “do you want some water or anything?”

He accepts, if only to get Byounggon out from the room for a second so he can calm his nerves, and he leaves for the kitchen. Yonghee stays on the bed with nothing but a heart that won’t still for anything and a face hotter than the pit of hell Byounggon has clearly crawled from just to torment him like this. 

He’s confused and his brain has gone to mush and he’s unsure of what to do.

Not only because he can’t figure out where his own feelings stand, but because they’ve never, not once, even brought up the kiss at the party. It feels weird to just… not acknowledge it. He doesn’t know if it's just that easy to brush off for Byounggon, that Yonghee’s blowing it completely out of proportion, or if he feels too awkward to talk about it now they’ve become closer. 

But he just kissed him again. On the forehead, granted, but it’s like it's sent a bolt of electricity straight through his skull and it short circuited his brain.

It’s the only thing he can think about for the next few days.

&&&.

So he brings it up himself the next time they meet, which takes every ounce of his courage. 

“I feel like we started on the wrong foot…” Yonghee admits. They’re sitting on a bench at the edge of campus, coffee cups cradled in their hands. Steam spirals into the air and other students hurry past them on their way to class.

“What do you mean?” Byounggon asks, bumping his shoulder gently against Yonghee’s. 

He pauses and tries to come up with the right words to explain what he’s thinking. “I don’t know… At the party, I just… I feel like we could have had a smoother beginning.” 

Byounggon hums and takes a sip from his coffee. Yonghee does the same to make himself feel less awkward. He fiddles with his fingers. 

“I don’t think that’s true,” Byounggon eventually says. He turns to smile at Yonghee. “I wouldn’t trade seeing you in that crop top for the world.”

Yonghee, scandalised, almost spits out his coffee. He _almost_ forgot about that part. “Oh my god. Don’t say that,” he sputters, and Byounggon laughs, loud and unabashed and it's beautiful. Yonghee looks away before he's caught staring. 

“I’m serious! I feel like I should be thanking Jinyoung for making you wear that. Not that I don’t think your shirts and jumpers are adorable but… that crop top…” he sighs and places the back of his hand to forehead. “Just thinking about it… I’m feeling faint.”

Yonghee rolls his eyes. “You’re so annoying,” he mumbles, squirming. Byounggon reaches over and squeezes his hand. 

“Okay, but seriously, if you want to pretend that never happened, it’s fine,” he continues. “Just know that I really, really don’t care. I mean, making out at a party is hardly a weird way to meet,” he shrugs and laughs. “It’s pretty normal, actually. That’s how me and Seunghun met. Except, we were thirteen and it wasn’t making out, he just kissed me as a dare and it was so fucking awkward.”

Yonghee nods and forces out a laugh. “Okay, thank you,” he says, but there’s still something nagging at the back of his mind that he can’t quite place. Byounggon has gone quiet too. He can't help but feel like he's made things infinitely worse. 

If he can joke so casually about kissing his best friend, then what's to say this wasn’t just a casual thing too? He doesn’t even know if he wants to be casual friends or nothing or anything, but he knows he wants _something_.

Thoughts jumbled and brain fried, he sits back and sips his coffee. 

&&&.

A little while after, Jinyoung invites him to hang out, and when he arrives, Seunghun and Byounggon are there too. Seunghun has his arm around Jinyoung’s shoulders, who has his feet slung over the older boy’s knees. They’re giggling together like a bunch of school girls in the playground.

Byounggon jumps up the moment he sees Yonghee and grabs his hands. “Oh, thank fucking god, I can’t stand third wheeling them any longer.” He tugs Yonghee over to sit next to him. “They’re being so gross.”

Jinyoung scoffs and Seunghun sticks his tongue out at his best friend. 

They hang out together for a while, and the whole time Yonghee’s hand hovers awkwardly close to Byounggon’s. He desperately wants to take it, but every time he gets close enough to brush pinkies, he chickens out. 

He kind of envies the ease in which Jinyoung and Seunghun can be all over each other. Can so effortlessly hold hands and kiss without feeling the self consciousness and anxiety itching under their skin. 

Byounggon says something that he doesn’t hear and Yonghee eyes him with a restrained smile. He folds his hands into his own lap and gives up on the idea of holding his hand for today. Jinyoung never prepared him for how complicated and _inconvenient_ feelings could be. 

Byounggon and Seunghun start arguing over some movie they've watched, about who's the better actor when Byounggon spins to Yonghee and snatches his hand out his lap. Yonghee jumps at the surprise, a wave of heat rushing through him.

"We watched this movie together, right? Who do you think acted better?" 

"Uhh…" he fumbles to form words with his mouth, anything that isn't _'fuck, fuck, fuck_ ' but luckily Seunghun jumps in before he can totally embarrass himself. 

"Clearly he just doesn't want to disagree with you, but he _knows_ I'm right," Seunghun says, they all laugh, and everything falls back to normal.

Except, Byounggon is still holding his hand, casually chatting away, and Jinyoung is giving him this weird, quizzical look. He wrestles his hand from Byounggon's grip and presses them back into his own lap, fiddling with his fingers. 

Byounggon glances at him, frowns in a way that Yonghee realises with a sickening feeling in his gut that this time he's definitely messed up. He doesn't say anything and looks away.

Later, when Byounggon gets up to go to the bathroom, Jinyoung corners him. “What are you?”

“Uh, human?” Yonghee replies sarcastically, feeling horrible and a lot like he wants to go home. 

“No, dumbass. I mean you and Byounggon. Are you, y’know…?”

“I don’t know,” he says, and laughs. It comes out more strained and bitter than he means it to. “I still don’t know.”

&&&.

The same night, after he goes home, he does what he always does when he’s having a mental crisis: calls Jinyoung. Because he’s got a boyfriend and has had a semi-successful love life, and generally knows so much more about relationships than him. 

His friend picks up after a few rings and there’s a burst of giggles in the background and a ‘Seunghun, stop!’ before Jinyoung’s voice comes clearer. “Yonghee, hi!”

“Please tell me I haven’t interrupted you guys fucking or something,” Yonghee groans, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. 

Jinyoung laughs. “No, no. You didn’t. Not yet, anyway.” There’s another burst of laughter in the background. 

“Nice, Jinyoung. Real gross.” 

“Anyway,” Jinyoung says and the giggles fade into the background and there’s a quiet slam of a door. “I’m alone now, what do you need?”

“Having a crisis,” is all he can say. 

“Okay,” Jinyoung replies. “A I-haven’t-done-my-assignment-and-its-due-in-ten-minutes crisis, or a boy crisis?”

“Second one.”

“Specifically, you’re having a Byounggon induced crisis?” 

As always, Jinyoung figures him out instantly. “Right.”

He explains what he’s feeling and what he’s worried about and what happened the last time they watched a movie together.

“Okay, let’s weigh up the pros and cons,” Jinyoung says and Yonghee settles in for a long talk. “Pros: you made out with a hot guy at a party, and now he’s taking an interest in you and is taking you out. He said you’ve really helped him and gave you a forehead kiss.”

“Right. Yes,” Yonghee says. 

“Now, the cons.” There’s a long pause. “...There is literally none, Yonghee. There is nothing bad here.”

Yonghee sighs and purses his lips. “I knew you wouldn’t be any help.”

“What do you want me to do?” Jinyoung exclaims, and Yonghee can hear the exasperation in his voice even through the phone. “Tell you that Byounggon is a horrible person? That you don’t deserve to be happy? Because neither of those things are true.”

“I’m just confused,” Yonghee whines. He starts pacing up and down his room. “Because he like, sort of flirts with me, but _you_ also call me pretty all the time, and I know for a fact you don’t have a crush on me.”

“You are pretty,” Jinyoung agrees. 

“Exactly! So I don’t know if it’s like… a platonic flirt, or a... heart boner flirt.”

“Oh! We're talking in heart boners now are we? Well, which one do you want it to be?”

“I don’t know!” Yonghee exclaims, growing increasingly frustrated. With both Jinyoung and himself.

“Okay. Do _you_ get a heart boner whenever he flirts with you?”

“...Kinda, yeah.”

“That’s a good sign. Now, do you get a _real_ boner when he flirts with you?”

“Jinyoung!”

“Sorry, sorry, just joking,” Jinyoung bursts out laughing and Yonghee knows he’s going to get no help from him tonight. “If I can get over my crippling commitment issues, I’m sure you can get past… whatever this is.”

“I’m going to hang up now. Go attend your dick appointment with Seunghun or something,” Yonghee says bitterly.

“Okay, see you later, hope you come to terms with your crush on Byounggon!”

The phone clicks and Yonghee’s arm falls listlessly back to his side. Jinyoung, the little bitch. 

&&&.

Weeks later and they’re still stuck at that weird line between dating and not dating, where he’s craving for something more, but he’s too anxious of overstepping some invisible boundary that would mess everything up. And he _really_ doesn’t want to mess this up. 

Jinyoung keeps pushing at him to tell him, to _just talk to him about it, Yonghee_ , but he still hasn’t got over the very small, very important problem that he is better at running away from his feelings than confronting them. 

&&&.

The next time he runs into Byounggon he’s leaving the library after a day long study session. Byounggon is across the path from him with a group of friends, they’re talking and laughing, and Yonghee is captivated by the way Byounggon throws his head back when he laughs. 

He hasn’t texted him in a few days, just because he needed to get his head straight, needed time to accept his own feelings. 

The clear fact is: he’s kind of in love with Byounggon. 

Jinyoung would laugh at him, but he knows it’s gone way past a mere crush, and that’s why he was so scared and why it took so long to get to grips with the idea. Because it’s a big thing, at least to him, who hasn’t had a relationship since he was about fourteen. It’s scary and unknown territory that he’s only just realised he has to cross. 

And it’s taken days to boil up the confidence to even _consider_ telling Byounggon this. He’s not sure that Byounggon will even accept, and that terrifies him, but he needs to get these feelings out of him before he explodes. 

Yonghee waves at him, and Byounggon spares him a glance and a small smile before facing his friends again. He frowns and lingers a while longer, confused, trying to catch his eye, but Byounggon doesn’t even look his way again, and promptly leaves with his group of friends. 

He’s never shown such disinterest before, and it feels like a hot knife has just been twisted into his gut.

Confidence shattered, Yonghee goes home instead. 

&&&.

It happens again, several times. Byounggon completely blanks him, barely looks in his direction and pretends he doesn’t see him. Every time, Yonghee is too scared to go up and talk to him, and resigns himself to heading home or to Jinyoung’s. 

They don’t text anymore, and he gets no more calls about the latest dramas or albums. 

The thing he was so scared of happening before was now coming to life and he doesn’t know how to process it. It gives him this weird pain in his chest and a sinking feeling deep in his stomach and he _hates_ feeling this way. 

&&&.

  
  


He’s waiting under the shelter of the library entrance while rain pours in rivets from the sky, lamenting how stupid it was of him to not check the weather app this morning, when someone slings an arm around his shoulders and there’s a warm weight pressed against his side.

“Didn’t bring an umbrella?” Byounggon asks him in that naturally charming voice that he’s missed so much and Yonghee leans ever so slightly into him because this is the first time he’s actually spoken to him in two weeks. 

“I didn’t think it was going to rain,” Yonghee states sheepishly. 

Byounggon produces a black umbrella from behind his back with such dramatic flair that it makes Yonghee laugh out loud before he can stop himself. Byounggon, clearly proud at having made him laugh, is practically glowing when he levels the umbrella over their heads. “I’ll walk you home?”

What is he supposed to do, say no?

They fall easily into their familiar comfortable silence for the majority of the walk. Byounggon holding the umbrella up while Yonghee sticks to his side to keep out of the rain and it's _almost_ as if Byounggon hadn't blanked him the last few times he saw him. 

Yonghee doesn’t bring it up, scared to ruin the moment, and scared that Byounggon will leave him if he does. 

Byounggon’s fingers are trembling around their hold on the plastic hook, and Yonghee quickly pries it out of his grasp, fingers brushing against his cold hand as he does. “I’ll hold it. We’re almost there anyway.”

Byounggon simply wraps a sly arm around Yonghee’s waist instead. “Fine by me,” he hums. The sudden turn in behaviour is so confusing, but Yonghee isn't going to complain.

“Actually,” Yonghee blurts. He's unsure of where this sudden surge of confidence is coming from, but he’s rolling with it while he has the chance. “Can I… hold your hand?” 

He almost takes it back when he sees the shock plain on Byounggon’s face, and he’s shocked at himself, too, after the way he had flinched away from him the first time he tried to hold his hand.

“Or… not? That’s fine too.”

“No, no,” Byounggon quickly corrects. He lets go of Yonghee’s waist and slips round to his other side where his free hand hangs awkwardly in the air. He takes his hand and intertwines their fingers. Both of their hands are freezing, but a warmth spreads from the tips of his fingers and all the way up his arms. “This is more than fine.”

He’s not sure if this is platonic hand holding, the kind he and Jinyoung often engage in, or something more than that. For now, he’s just content in getting to hold his hand at all. 

The sound of rain hitting the top of the umbrella calms his erratic, jumping heart (or should he say, his heart boner) and he finds himself walking slower and slower because he doesn’t want the moment to end just yet. 

Eventually, they end up in front of Yonghee’s building. They’re standing face to face under the umbrella, forced close under the confined space. The streetlights dance in the puddles next to them. 

“I’ll see you later?” Byounggon asks, but his hand still clings tightly to Yonghee’s. 

Yonghee hesitates, contemplates asking the question that’s been hanging on the end of his tongue the whole walk home. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” Byounggon replies, expectant. “Anything.”

“Why are you so nice to me?” Yonghee says, and looks up to meet Byounggon’s eyes. 

Byounggon doesn’t hesitate before he answers. “Because I really like you. And I like being nice to you. I like when you get flustered when I compliment you even though you’re not actually that shy.”

“Got me all figured out, have you?” Yonghee pouts. He hates how easy he is to read sometimes, and it’s kind of why he’s surprised Byounggon has hung around him this long. Jinyoung is the only friend that has actually stuck with his clingy ass so far.

“I’d say so, yeah,” Byounggon says and swings back on the balls of his feet happily. It’s really cute. He’s really fucking cute. “I’d like to figure you out a bit more, though.” 

Byounggon closes in and Yonghee knows this is the moment where they’re supposed to kiss, the moment that’s been building up for months. But a panic settles in his stomach that stops him from leaning in to meet him. 

“One more question,” Yonghee says and Byounggon stops, disappointment evident on his face. He’s never been so nervous in his life. 

“Yeah? Go ahead.”

“...What are we?” 

It’s the question that’s been looming heavy in the air ever since Byounggon first took him out. The shameless flirting, the bumping shoulders and the brushing pinkies, the countless late night and early morning text conversations, the time Byounggon called him to excitedly talk about the spaghetti he cooked and the time Yonghee had fallen asleep while watching a movie and woke up covered in a blanket with Byounggon snoring next to him, it all came down to one simple question. 

“That depends,” Byounggon says. “What do you want us to be?”

“Before I answer,” Yonghee says, takes a deep breath and looks down at his rain soaked trainers. He’s about to lay his heart on his sleeve and he’s terrified. “It’s just… after the kiss at the party… I was scared you were just messing around with me. I still am, a little. I want… I just want to make sure.”

Byounggon listens to him speak in silence, but when Yonghee looks back up at him, hurt is written evidently across his face. His heart drops. 

“Did you really think I’m like that? This whole time?” Byounggons says, brows furrowed. 

“No!-- I just-- Kissing strangers at a party isn’t really my thing and it made me so confused and I still _am_ kind of confused why you’re hanging out with me. We watched the movie and you kissed me again, then you avoided me when you saw me, but now you're back to normal and I don't understand."

“You wanted to forget about the party. Pretend it didn’t happen,” Byounggon says.

“I did, but I can’t stop thinking… I was scared that you would kiss me and then think I was just some… casual thing.”

“Can I just remind you that _you_ were the one that kissed _me_ then ran away?” Byounggon lets go of Yonghee’s hand and lets it swing back to his side. He feels hot and cold all at once and his head spins with anxiety. "When you brought it up, I thought you wanted to forget because you just wanted to be friends. Then when I tried to hold your hand you _flinched_. It hurt, Yonghee." 

"I--" Yonghee stutters, his breathing growing quicker and quicker and his hands shaking. 

"I avoided you because I thought you didn't want to talk to _me_ anymore. You haven't exactly been the most talkative lately either."

Fuck, he’s really messing this up. It feels like the ground is opening beneath his feet. 

“Yes, but-- I was _scared_.”

Byounggon shakes his head. “I don’t know what impression you got from me, but I’ve only ever shown interest in you, Yonghee. I think you’re the one that needs to be honest with yourself.”

Yonghee squeezes his eyes shut to stop the tears that are pricking at the corner of his eyes because shit, he’s right. He’s so right and Yonghee feels awful. If he had been honest with himself from the start and picked up on all the flirts and the touches, it wouldn’t have taken this long.

If it wasn’t for his complete lack of ability to process his own emotions, he wouldn’t be standing in the rain getting his heart crushed. 

“I know,” he whispers, hoarsely, and his voice sounds weird and distorted over the buzzing in his ears. “I’m trying.”

Byounggon steps back from Yonghee and out from under the umbrella. Rain soaks his jacket almost immediately and the streetlights flicker in the droplets that hang from his hair and eyelashes. “You need to decide what you want. I’m not letting you break my heart, Kim Yonghee.”

He turns and disappears down the rain soaked streets, leaving Yonghee standing alone under his umbrella. 

&&&.

He doesn’t go inside to his room, instead he takes the stairs up to Jinyoung's floor, hands numb and mind both empty and full at the same time. He texts him a minute in advance and by the time he gets there, Jinyoung is already waiting for him inside the door. He pulls Yonghee inside and holds him at arms length, squinting at his face.

He must look absolutely miserable because Jinyoung pulls him into a long, crushing hug before he starts tugging him upstairs to his room. “What’s the matter? What’s happened? ...That's not your umbrella. Doesn’t matter, come on.”

Seunghun steps out of Jinyoung’s room just as they get to the door. Yonghee startles as soon as he spots him, because he wasn’t expecting him and he really doesn’t feel like talking to anyone but Jinyoung right now. Especially when that anyone is the best friend of the guy he’s just argued with. He bows anyway out of politeness, but hides himself a little behind Jinyoung and refuses to meet Seunghun’s eyes.

“Sorry babe, I have to head off now, Byounggon just called, he sounds upset,” Seunghun says to Jinyoung, who nods. Yonghee flinches at the sound of Byounggon’s name. 

“I’ll see you later,” Jinyoung leans over to give Seunghun a quick kiss on the cheek. Seunghun waves at Yonghee as he leaves, and he waves back meekly. 

As soon as he disappears from their sights, Jinyoung turns on Yonghee. “Okay, so something happened with Byounggon.”

Yonghee nods, unable to form a decent sentence that won’t end in him breaking down. He hangs his head in silence like a puppy that’s just been kicked. Jinyoung sighs and pulls him into his room. 

&&&. 

Yonghee explains to him exactly what happened, repeats the exact words that he said to Byounggon, and the exact feelings of despair he felt afterwards. Jinyoung listens carefully, patiently, and rubs his back soothingly the entire time. 

“I feel so _awful_ , Jinyoung,” he groans, head resting on his best friend’s shoulder. 

“It’s okay, really, it was just a little misunderstanding, you can sort it out,” Jinyoung says in an attempt to console him, but Yonghee ignores him. It feels like the whole world is crashing down around him and he’s completely helpless. All he wants to do is curl up into a ball and sleep for seven years. Either that, or stuff his face with ice cream until he feels physically sick. Or both.

Without waiting for Yonghee to answer, Jinyoung continues. “Clearly he likes being with you. I don’t think a little misunderstanding can mess that up.”

He’s being rational, he really is, and it’s the same advice Yonghee would give if he was the one comforting a friend. But he’s not in the right frame of mind to even acknowledge how valid his point is. In fact, it makes him feel infinitely worse because it makes him realise just how interested Byounggon was in him, and how kind he was, and how royally he’s fucked this up.

“You don’t get it,” Yonghee whines. “I practically called him a fuckboy. He's the furthest thing from a fuckboy! I messed up.”

“Maybe,” Jinyoung says solemnly. "Maybe you were the fuckboy all along.”

It’s a joke, an attempt to lighten the mood, but it tips Yonghee over the edge and the sob that’s been bubbling in his throat escapes all at once. In the space of two seconds he has his face buried in Jinyoung’s lap and tears streaming from his eyes. 

“Maybe I was! This is all my fault!” Yonghee wails and sniffles and balls his fists into his eyes. 

“Oh god,” Jinyoung exclaims and starts frantically ripping tissues from the box on his bedside table and stuffing them into Yonghee’s hands. “Oh no, oh baby, you really like him, don’t you?”

“I do,” Yonghee sobs, and he spends the next five minutes crying into Jinyoung’s lap while his friend gently pats his head. “I like him so much, Jinyoung. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have been so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid,” Jinyoung tries to comfort him, but it doesn’t work. 

“I am! This whole time I… I thought he was going to kiss me and leave me, b-but it was me who did that! I’m so stupid!”

When he stops crying enough to blow his nose and take a deep breath, Jinyoung takes his face between his two hands and smooshes his cheeks together. 

“First of all, you’re not stupid. End of story. Second of all, you know what you have to do, right?”

Yonghee hiccups and shakes his head, unshed tears thick on his eyelashes. “No. Not at all.”

“Okay, so,” Jinyoung starts, and bites his bottom lip to stop himself from smiling. Yonghee knows he isn’t going to like this. “Here’s the plan. You put that crop top back on. You know the one. Then, you have to call him, get him to meet up with you, and when you meet him, you’re going to have to kiss him so hard his lips fall off.” 

Yonghee narrows his eyes and stares at him. “I like approximately one of those ideas.”

“Which one? I hope it’s the crop top. Or the kissing.”

Yonghee rolls his eyes and sniffs, but it does make him laugh. He rubs his eyes with the back of his hands. “No, god, Jinyoung. I’m gonna call him. I have to explain things.”

Jinyoung nods sagely. “Okay. That works too. I still think you should wear the crop top.”

“If you mention that crop top again, I’m going to burn it, then _no one_ will be wearing it.”

“No! You can’t do that!”

Despite everything, Yonghee can’t help but smile at Jinyoung’s antics. “...Jinyoung?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. I love you so much. And I'm really glad you're happy with Seunghun.”

“...I love you too, dumbass.”

&&&.

Five minutes later, he’s pacing up and down Jinyoung’s room with his phone pressed to his ear and biting at his thumb nail. Jinyoung gives him a thumbs up from the bed. 

He’s really, really scared that Byounggon isn’t going to pick up. If he doesn’t, he really doesn’t know what he’s going to do. The phone rings, and his heart pounds uncomfortably loud against his chest. 

The rings continue for an agonisingly long time and Yonghee feels like his anxiety is going to eat him alive. Then there’s a click, a crackle, and a quiet “hello?” He’s never been so relieved to hear Byounggon’s voice. 

“Hey,” he says and swallows dryly. All the words he rehearsed flee his mind at alarming speeds. “Thank you for picking up.” He really hopes Byounggon can’t hear how badly his voice is shaking.

Byounggon doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t hang up either. Yonghee takes it as an invitation to continue. 

“I wanted to say that I’m really, really sorry,” his voice cracks a little and he’s scared he’s going to break out into tears again. Jinyoung reaches over and squeezes his hand, and in that moment he’s really, eternally grateful for his best friend. “Can… can we meet? I really want to talk to you.”

There’s a long pause that sets his already frayed nerves on fire. Then: “Of course. I’ll meet you outside in ten minutes.” Then he hangs up. 

Yonghee doesn’t realise how badly his legs were shaking until he sinks to the ground and rests his forehead against Jinyoung’s bed. “Oh my god, I did it,” he breathes. When he looks up again, Jinyoung is staring down at his phone and smiling. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” Jinyoung says, then laughs. “Seunghun texted me. He said Byounggon hyung just bolted out the door.”

&&&.

He sprints all the way back to Byounggon’s dorm building, umbrella completely forgotten in his rush to leave, and by the time he gets there he’s soaked through, shivering and breathing heavily. 

Byounggon is already there waiting, like he always is. 

He's just as soaked, and Yonghee walks right up to him and throws his arms around his neck. He squeezes him tight and presses his face into his chest. 

"I know what I want now."

"Yeah?" Byounggon rests his hand on the back of Yonghee's head. "What's that?"

"You. I want you." 

Then, he takes Byounggon's cheeks between his hands, stands on the tips of his toes, and kisses him. All at once, months worth of relief washes over him and nothing has ever felt so right. Byounggon’s kissing him back and lips are soft and warm and good. 

It’s not a long kiss, short and sweet but it’s packed full of so much built up feelings and emotions and it's so much better than he ever imagined. 

"Wow," Byounggon says, his eyes still closed. He raises a hand to touch his own lips. "That's one hell of an apology." 

Yonghee breathes out a laugh. He doesn't feel as nervous anymore. "I am really, really sorry, though." 

"I know," Byounggon rests his forehead against his. "I know you are." 

"This whole time you've been so patient, and I was just too scared," he says, voice barely above a whisper. "I should have realised sooner." 

"It's okay, really." 

"But it's not," Yonghee sniffs and suddenly he's crying all over again, clutching Byounggon's jacket and sobbing into his shirt. "It turns out _I_ was the fuckboy!" 

Byounggon bursts out laughing and wraps his arms tight around him in a crushing embrace, and Yonghee starts laughing too and then they’re both crying and laughing and completely soaked. 

"You're not a fuckboy. You don't wear nearly enough crop tops to be a fuckboy. And you study math."

Yonghee shakes his head. "I'm better at solving math problems than emotional problems." 

Byounggon snorts. They linger like that for a few more moments, swaying back and forth in the rain, arms securely around each other. 

“Shall we go inside?” Byounggon says eventually.

“Please,” Yonghee says, taking Byounggon’s hand, and he doesn’t let it go the whole way up to his room. 

&&&.

They go inside, and once they’re dried and changed, they sit face to face on the bed. Yonghee’s wearing one of Byounggon’s huge hoodies and a pair of his pyjama pants and it feels so warm and comfortable that he almost falls asleep while waiting for Byounggon to change. 

He takes Yonghee’s hand and grips them tightly in his own.

“Okay. I’m going to ask you again,” he says, steadily. “What do you want us to be.”

This time, Yonghee can’t answer fast enough. “Boyfriends?”

He’s immediately validated by the smile that spreads heartily over Byounggon’s lips, and then he lunges forward and Yonghee’s face meets Byounggon’s shoulder in a tackle and he flails backwards onto the bed.

“Yeah. Boyfriends.”

&&&.

As always, they end up in bed watching a movie (not horror), but this time they're not awkwardly hovering five inches apart and are instead bundled under the covers, Byounggon’s back propped against a pillow and Yonghee in his lap, pressed against his chest. 

He’s not actually paying attention because he’s too overwhelmed with this sudden burst of happiness that he can’t think of anything other than the weird, tingling sensation that’s lacing his entire body. He feels light and airy and this is a whole new feeling to him.

“You’re pretty,” he mumbles, after about five minutes of staring aimlessly at the screen, not taking anything in.

“What?” Byounggon says. He reaches over for the remote and pauses the movie. 

“I said…” Yonghee pauses and yanks the covers up to cover his entire face so Byounggon can’t look at him. “I said you’re pretty. I didn’t tell you before,” he says, voice muffled by the fabric. 

“Oh?” Byounggon laughs and gently tugs the fabric away, but Yonghee has an iron grip and refuses to let go. The tips of his ears burn red where they stick out from the blankets. “Don’t hide! That’s really cute.”

“Not cute!” He peeks over the top of the covers. “Want to compliment you instead.” Back to burying his face. “You’re pretty. And cute. And very attractive. And I like your laugh.”

Byounggon presses a kiss to the top of Yonghee’s head, just like he did months ago. “I like that last one.”

“Correction: I love your laugh,” Yonghee says, and finally emerges from the stuffy heat of the covers. He leans back against Byounggon. “And how nice you are, even if you do pick on me a lot.”

“You pick on me just as much,” Byounggon retorts and Yonghee laughs.

“Well, it’s only fair.” 

“It’s okay, I like that about you.” 

"Really?" 

"Yeah," Byounggon says. "I like that we can joke and have fun, even at the cost of my pride." 

"What pride?" 

"Exactly! See? You make me really happy, Kim Yonghee."

“Stop,” Yonghee whines, and wiggles his way down into the blanket. “I’m supposed to be embarrassing you.”

“Also,” Byounggon adds, because clearly he enjoys torturing him. “I like you in my clothes.”

Yonghee.exe has stopped responding.

It’s like his head has exploded into flames and all he can do is sit there with his cheeks ablaze and gawk wordlessly. 

“I have some ice cream in the freezer if you want some? Might cool down your face,” Byounggon laughs, running his hand lazily through Yonghee’s hair, as if he hasn’t just caused him a major meltdown.

“You’re impossible!” Yonghee scowls up at him once he’s recovered enough to form a coherent sentence. “...What flavour?”

“Mint choco.”

“I thought you hated mint choco?”

“I do. I got it for you. For when you came over next.”

“Wait, seriously?” Yonghee says, touched, meltdown forgotten, and he scrambles to awkwardly flip himself round so he’s straddling Byounggon’s thighs instead. He rests his hands on his shoulders. “I have the biggest heart boner right now.

“A… what?” Byounggon says and bites his lip to stop the laugh bubbling in his throat, but it’s no use because he starts laughing hysterically anyway, head falling to rest in the space between Yonghee’s neck and shoulder. “A heart boner? What the fuck is that?”

“It’s like, a boner, but for your heart,” he says, echoing Jinyoung’s explanation, but Byounggon only laughs harder, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably. “I don’t know, it’s some weird thing Jinyoung came up with! Stop laughing at me!”

“I’m sorry, it just might be the funniest thing you’ve ever said,'' Byounggon says between breathy laughs and wipes the corner of his eye. “It’s okay, I think I have a heart boner too. Or, actually, it might be a real--”

Yonghee collides his lips with Byounggon’s and presses film, insistent kisses against his lips. “Please,” he mumbles between kisses. “Please stop talking. Right now. This is me shutting you up. For good.”

&&&.

Byounggon falls asleep before the movie finishes, head on Yonghee’s lap and holding onto his hand. Yonghee spends five minutes drifting in and out of sleep, tenderly brushing Byounggon’s hair from his closed eyes and tracing the lines of his lips, and his heart has never been so settled, so sure, before now.

He falls asleep holding Byounggon's hand.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> my cc/twt is @woonguwu if you want to talk or have questions!


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